


giants

by speakingincode



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Gen, Growing Up, Missing Scene, Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, written for yamazine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingincode/pseuds/speakingincode
Summary: Yamaguchi's never gotten stronger without someone else's help. Sometimes he thinks about it like standing on the shoulders of giants, but most of the time, it just feels like he's being carried.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	giants

**Author's Note:**

> hat trick! just kidding, i wrote this a couple months ago for the yamaguchi zine, which you can read for free [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eK7nBSgggWWkbxII4PhqtqEgc41Us5Qv/view?usp=sharing). hope you enjoy it!

⋆ 月島 蛍 ⋆

Tadashi is waiting for Kei to finish buying strawberry milk a little bit away from the vending machines when the illusion of a newly charmed elementary school life shatters around him.

Kei doesn’t notice, because Kei is busy trying to count out and get rid of all his five-yen coins. That habit becomes more than just funny in this second, becomes something Tadashi is almost as grateful for as Kei liking volleyball. Because it’s the reason that Kei doesn’t hear them.

He doesn’t hear, from across the near-empty schoolyard, “Hey, isn’t that the guy that used to carry our bags?” and his world doesn’t fall apart. 

Which is a small victory, because Tadashi’s does.

Tadashi doesn’t remember when he stopped thinking about them, stopped seeing them. Stopped seeing all of it, not just the kids tormenting him but the overwhelming loneliness that made him feel so nauseous he’d have to save his lunch for when he got home and _Super Sentai_ could numb the feeling. 

It kind of fits, maybe, that they faded in the background that quickly, the same way Kei instantly came to the forefront, like he was always meant to be a part of Tadashi’s life. Everything falling into place.

Because it really did feel like that. After years, finally getting the kind of life he always wanted, a cool and amazing best friend, a club to spend all his time in after classes, not having to live the way he did before anymore. Except—

Except, when he hears that voice from months ago ( _"I didn’t even recognize him! He’s been acting real smug lately, huh? We oughta show him who’s really in charge."_ ) the exact same fear ripples through his entire body, strikes him completely still even as his mind begs him to move, to run away.

It's horrible, not only that this is happening again but that Kei is there to see it, his complete powerlessness, but then another voice Tadashi recognizes says, “Shut up, idiot! Y’see that huge guy by the vending machine? That’s his best friend! Who knows what he’ll do if he hears you?”

And Tadashi’s system floods with relief, and then anger, and then – shame. And he remembers, for the first time in a long time.

This is the feeling that made him start playing volleyball. Not loneliness or sadness, but this weakness, this frustration. That he’s been weak his whole life. He wanted to be strong.

And… Tadashi is small and not really anything to write home about, so he only gets to play in games sometimes. Even though he does try hard in practice. It’s been months since then, but Tadashi doesn’t even feel a little stronger.

He doesn’t feel stronger, and Kei is his best friend.

( _Tadashi will take what he can get._ )

“Kei-kun! I think I’ll get something, too.”

⋆ 嶋田 誠 ⋆

When Tadashi gets to the entrance of Shimada Mart, dread floods his calves, and he ducks next to the garbage can instead of going inside the store.

Scary. It’s funny; Tadashi’d been thinking about this all day, daydreaming during class about it, working himself up so much he’d had much less of a problem abandoning Tsukishima on their walk home than he thought he would, but it never occurred to him. That it’d be scary. Or… maybe not scary, but something else, swirling at the pit of his stomach. 

Shame.

( _Standing closer to Tsukishima whenever he saw those boys from his homeroom. It’s been years, but Tadashi still remembers._ )

There isn’t really anything special about Tadashi, except that he’s a little tall. Nothing worth keeping him on the court for, or noticing him for. Ukai and Daichi and Sugawara all know it; that’s why he’s the only first-year on the bench.

Which is what really hurts about it, Tadashi thinks. Tsukishima’s always been way smarter and cooler and stronger than him, and he’s never resented it, but… everyone except for him. Maybe what’s special about Tadashi is that he isn’t special. Or—

He made it sound cool to himself during geometry. He’s Tsukishima’s best friend. Tsukishima doesn’t like most people, but he liked Tadashi immediately, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He let him stay next to him.

It’s something like… people like Tadashi, when he goes up to them and really needs them to. And they help him.

Which is… He’d told himself earlier that it was something good about him. Like having hypnosis powers, or just being really likable, but Tadashi thinks he knows what the real name of it is now. He’s pitiful. People feel bad for him. Because he’s so—

But he doesn’t have to be his whole life, Tadashi thinks. Hopes. When Shimada did that float serve, it made everyone in the whole court stop and look at him. Tadashi could be that cool. Tadashi could finally have something about him that stands out. He just has to—

Taking a deep breath, Tadashi walks into the store and begs a total stranger to give up his nights off just to make him strong.

Shimada says yes.

⋆ 山口 忠 ⋆

Tadashi is sitting on the bench outside the Foothill Store, a sickly feeling he thought he’d outgrown keeping him weighted to his seat when he feels someone settle at his side. 

“I told Hinata to let me tell you first, but I never thought you’d react like this,” Tadashi hears. “Suddenly walking out… You’re never this dramatic.”

“I… didn’t think you’d come after me,” Tadashi says, rubbing the back of his neck as he glances at Tsukishima. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

“Mm. So what’s wrong, then?” Tsukishima won’t look at Tadashi. Maybe to make Tadashi less nervous, or… to not give something away. Tadashi isn’t sure. “You don’t think you can be captain?”

“Oh, Hinata told you… Um. I think… you guys didn’t think hard enough about it.” Tadashi inhales. Exhales. “All of you are so amazing. That you’d choose me is…”

“That’s stupid. You think I’d make a better captain than you?”

“It’s… Do you remember, the first day we met? Or… oh, yeah. You already told me you forgot.” Tadashi laughs weakly. “It’s just that… All of you are strong, in a way I’ve never really been. Reliable, maybe. I usually just rely on other people.”

“What are you talking about, Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima’s voice is level, but Tadashi catches the way he clenches his fist.

“Um… I never told you, but… the reason I joined Volleyball Club all those years ago was that I wanted to be strong. So I wouldn’t get bullied anymore. And… I did stop getting bullied, but it was only because, uh… because I was friends with you.” Tadashi sneaks a glance at Tsukishima, but his expression hasn’t changed. He’s known this whole time, Tadashi thinks. “Right now, I have my float serve, but it’s only because of Shimada-san. If he hadn’t felt bad for me back then, I… I wouldn’t have anything.”

For a second, Tsukishima doesn’t speak. “Last year, when I almost quit. You yelled at me and I remembered why I started playing. I wouldn’t have gotten into that youth camp if you hadn’t gotten mad at me then,” he says, voice edging closer towards irritation. “You must think that makes me weak.”

“Huh?”

“You’re more self-centered than I thought. Projecting motives like that on Shimada-san. On me, too, right?” Tsukishima sighs. “I became your friend because I like you. Shimada-san likes you, too. You work hard. You’re determined. It’s _impressive_. I... Everyone on this team has grown just by knowing you. It’s why we wanted you to be captain.”

It’s… not like Tsukishima, to be saying what he’s saying right now. But he’s saying it. Tadashi doesn’t know what to make of it, so he keeps his mouth shut.

“I thought you’d gotten over this kind of thing a long time ago. You’ve helped us win all those games, but you still…” Tsukishima mutters. After a second passes, he exhales heavily, meets Tadashi’s eyes in a way he can’t look away from. “You’re one of the strongest people I know, Yamaguchi. I’ve… I’ve been trying to keep up with you since the day we met.”

There’s an odd delicacy beneath the furiousness of Tsukishima’s words that Tadashi can’t put his finger on. Before he can figure it out, Tsukishima stands up.

“If you don’t want to be captain, we won’t force you to. Even if it’s for a reason like that,” he says. “But think about it, at least. What I just told you.”

“I… I will, Tsukki,” Tadashi replies, and after Tsukishima grunts and goes back to rejoin their teammates, he does. Tries to make sense of it until the weight in his stomach changes shape, becomes something he could sling over his shoulder and carry with one hand.

Feeling lighter than before but somehow more solid than he ever has, Tadashi walks into the Foothill Store and tells his team his decision.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this one. i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jailsgrr/status/1341989259658539008) if you need anything!


End file.
